Matthew Stevens from a G1
Jokes and other memorable text sent to me from family, friends and acquaintances. Warning some jokes may be sexual in nature or otherwise offensive to some.
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Recipe for a MAN: 1 cup of lies, 2 cups of bullshit, 1 stick of dick, 1 tsp of fuck up, and a lifetime of "baby im sorry"
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My scanner just reported a naked idiot wearing snow boots riding down the highway singing Ice Ice Baby, where the hell are you going?
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A blonde drops off a shirt at the cleaners...on the way out the door the lady says, "Come again." The blonde says, "No its toothpaste you nosey bitch!
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BREAKING NEWS - A truck full of vibraters was hijacked today. Please help all women find this truck and support Toys 4 Twats!
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3 reasons men like blow jobs: 12% like the feeling, 8% like the domination, and 80% just like the fucking silence!
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Why dont vegetarians moan during sex? Because they dont want to admit a piece of meat made them happy.
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Life is all about ass. Your either laughin' it off, coverin' it, kissin it, kickin' it, bustin it, spankin it, actin' like one or trying to get a piece!
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This Christmas, let's put mistletoe in our back pockets so all the people who hate us can kiss our ass!
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6 ways Santa is a man: He shows up late. Eats your cookie. Empties his sack. He only cums once. Calls you a Ho and leaves you!
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A mouse finds a viagra tablet on the floor & eats it. 10 min later he's strutting around the house shouting WHERE'S THE PUSSY NOW?!
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A sex professer asks, "Do you know what your asshole is doing while you are having an orgasm?" A woman replies, "Probably drinking beer with his friends!"
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Did you hear about cinderella's pussy being turned into a pumpkin? Man! She was PISSED OFF. Until she met PETER PETER pumpkin eater!
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If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love? The swallow.
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New days of the week: Moanday, Tongueday, Wetday, Thrustday, Fingerday, Sexday & Suckday. Send to all ur dirty minded friends
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A Daughter Calls Her Mom & Says "I'm Pregnant Again, Must Be Something In The Air"...Mom Replies "Yeah your legs"!
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Did you hear Harley Davidson is making condoms now? On the tip of the condom it says "If you can read this, the Bitch fell off!"
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Mad cow (no beef), Bird flu (no chicken) and now Swine flu (no pork)...guess the only thing safe for a man to eat is PUSSY!
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If a hooker is passed out and you have sex with her is it rape or shop lifting? Things that make u go. Hmmmmmm
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Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Mrs. Pac-man. For .25 that bitch swallowed balls till she died!
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Did you hear about the uncircumcised troll? His name was rumpled foreskin.
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A mexican man tells his wife. "When I die, cremate me and put me in your salsa". She asks "why?" He replys: "So I can tear that ass up one more time!
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WHO'S GUILTY HERE? Wife is dreamin, wakes up and shouts "Quick my husband's back!" Her husband wakes up and jumps out the window!
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A man admiring his naked body says to his wife,"Look, 200lbs of dynamite!" Wife says,"Fuckin' shame there's only 3 inches of fuse!"
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A snail gets mugged by two turtles. When the police ask him what happened he says, "I don't know. It all happened so fast".
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A guy had a girlfriend and after sex she loved to rub his balls. One day he asked her why. She smiled and said "i miss mine"!
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